Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Funny Shit!

Busy Dad and Mr. Lady over at Stark Raving Dads Answer your questions. BTW...nothing is off limit over there so ask away.

Naked Crapping

Manager Mom asks:

How do I convince my five year old son that taking a crap does NOT require the removal of all of his clothing, including socks? Bonus points for helping me get him to spritz some post-poop Glade Air Freshener spray.

Mr Lady:

All the best bodily functions happen in the buff. Just sayin'.

Does he attend public school? Yeah, that'll take care of it for you. That, or he'll learn the joy that is the Home Poop Advantage. Either way, let it roll, baby.

Just to make you feel better: My husband poops naked, too. My daughter, in order to poop, has to have me sitting on the floor right in front of the potty, yes, downwind, and I have to completely cover her eyes with my hand. My eight year old still has to pull his pants all the way down to his ankles to pee. Even at urinals. My ten year old uses a half roll of toilet paper to wipe, every time.

People are freaks. Poop hilarious. Need proof? Keep reading.....


I take this blog dead serious. I recognize the great responsibility that I bear as a giver of advice. Advice that may impact relationships between spouses, philosophies toward discipline, bonding between parent and child. So I pooped naked. And it was good.

See, to understand the how, it is often useful to delve into the why. So what exactly is the appeal of pooping naked vs fully clothed? Freedom. Feeling unfettered. A complete shedding of the weight of the world, from the outside to the inside. That child has achieved Zen. And really, when you don't have to worry about your shirttail, you know, getting caught up in the cleanup, the entire pooping process is much more enjoyable.

My advice is this: let Jr. do his Dalai Lama thing. He won't be doing it forever. It's just too much of a hassle to re-tie your necktie every time you go #2. He'll become more practical as time goes by. Not to worry. And remember, Seinfeld is fictional if you happen to be thinking of that episode.

I'd like to offer you a little perspective as well (nothing like a good "well at least he doesn't do THAT" to make your problems seem smaller). My kid pees sitting down. He'll stand when necessary, like in a urinal and such, but when given the choice, he'll always pee sitting down. One would also think that this is something kids outgrow, but it's not so. My ex girlfriend had a boyfriend who still peed sitting down. And he was close to 30 years old. Feel better?

As for the spray, I find it hard to believe that a 5 year old boy would not shoot another hole in the ozone, given the opportunity. Isn't that what they live for? Candy, Legos, Ben 10 and anything that shoots out of anything else? In that order. Put the can in his hand and say "have at it, son." There's NO WAY he won't freshen your entire house in under 3 minutes. I'm willing to bet money on that.

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