Teen Choice Awards - WTF

Ok, so maybe I'm just getting old but what was up with the Teen Choice Awards last night.

Whose idea was it to incorporate a stripper pole into Miley Cyrus' act? She comes out of a trailer, spreads her legs a few times and then jumps up on an ice cream cart equipped with a stripper pole????

The whole thing was weird.

Did they assume that because it was on an ice cream cart, all would be forgiven?

She looked hot but I am confused about the direction she is going. I understand she is getting older and that maybe she wants to distance herself from Disney but isn't there a better way to do it. The only thing missing from this performance was a baby belly, a dad with a shotgun and a pimply faced boy in a wife beater t-shirt with a heart tattoo on his arm.

Thank goodness this was the Teen Choice Awards not the Kids Choice Awards but really, is the audience that different???

Amanda??? You want to weigh in??

Oh, I will Maria.

I am beyond shocked. BEYOND. Ehh, actually, I WAS shocked. For the first few minutes there's just a 'Wtf. Seriously? What do her parents think? They're .... applauding?'

Then, the realization kicked in that she's from Tennessee. The light bulb went on over my head and I had one of those lucid moments where the clouds part as a ray of light shines down upon you.

'That's how they do it in the south,' said a voice oddly like Morgan Freeman but clearly God. I understood. Then, I was bored.

Miley, you see, only the south understands your crazy language and only they can appreciate your 'deer-in-the-headlights' form of "beauty".

Opt-out of your record deal and give them to your back-up singers. Return the horrendous outfits you and your father think are fashionable and call Britney for her therapist. You could use it.