Monday, February 2, 2009

Amateur Book Review X's 3

This weekend I sat down for a marathon of reading.

The books I chose won't be winning any Pulitzer Prizes but they were entertaining and that is exactly what I was looking for.

First Up - I Hate Your Guts by Jim Norton (you know little Jimmy Norton from Opie and Anthony). This was the follow up to his first book Happy Endings. I love Jim and was so excited to find this at library.

This was a fabulous book even if you aren't a Jim fan. I love him! His preface starts out with him celebrating and mourning the life of George Carlin. His first line is, "George Carlin died yesterday and I'm goddamn depressed about it." (BTW..if you are easily insulted this is probably the tamest line in the book so take heed.)

Jimmy calls Heather Mills "a high priced load receptacle" and many fans of McCarthy bow down and agree.

He covers everything from Reverend Al Sharpton to Dr. Phil and the Yankees. His chapter on Starbucks made me laugh out loud. I also love his chapter on the pregnant man Thomas Beattie, "I told you to clean your room, young lady! Just wait until your father finishes changing his tampon." Come on you pussy laugh that is funny.

Actually, a lot of the book made me laugh out loud but I am not easily insulted. None of this book was insulting or degrading to me. However, if YOU are easily insulted by bad language, dirty words, or sex conversation then I suggest you just pass this one by while strolling the book aisles.

But, if you like to laugh, find humor in everyday situations and like when people speak the truth without censorship than you will love this book.

Jim Norton is a God and George Carlin would be proud.
I Hate Your Guts

2nd Book - Kat Von D's High Voltage Tattoo.

If you don't know who Kat is I'll tell you. She is the hottest, heavily tattoo rock and roll chick around and the star of The Learning Channel's L.A. Ink.

She is also dating Motley Crue's Nikki Sixx who wrote the books forward.

This was an awesome read. We learn about Kat's background. Her love for her family and the fine arts. She has been drawing since she was 5 and tattooing since she was 14). BTW...real tattoo folks don't use terms like ink, tats, or otherwise. It is tattoo baby!

Kat's quote "love is my power, family is my strength and art is my passion" rings true for so many people.

It is filled with childhood photos, loads of high quality pictures of Kat looking hot, art work from her childhood and tats (oops tattoos) she has done and the history behind them.

You will love this book if you are a fan of Kat or tattoos but you will also love this book if you want to read about a real person who looks like she is tough as nails but deep down is just like the rest of us. We all bleed red people!

The third and final book of my weekend is Red Carpet Suicide by Perez Hilton. Honestly, I almost passed up this book but since it was brand new, right out of the wrapper at my library I figured I would give it a gander.

Don't know Perez yet? Well check out his website here.

All in all the book was funny and read pretty much like his website. You have to give this guy credit where credit is due. He had a friggin celebrity gossip site (how many bloggers are trying to do that) and now he is one of the biggest celebrity bloggers around. He is funny, candid and doodles all over everyone's photos.

I took this from his site because I love Madonna's daughter Lourdes and so does Perez (aka Mario). Usually he is calling out the mini celebrities such as Nicole Richie, Lindsey Lohan, Tara Reid and the rest.
Beautiful girl, no?

His first chapter covers how to become a Hilton. If you are interested, according to Perez you have to be a gym rat, scary skinny, put on a faux food show, pick the right DUI for you, wreck a home, leak a porn video, and so on.

BTW...a faux food show means you eat in places you can be seen. "You never go to the Olive Garden, Red Lobster or Applebees. Those places are enclosed and dark. You can't be seen eating in there. You have to eat in wide open, giant store front windows so the photographers can get that "look at me, I'm not anorexic, I like burger" picture.

The book is a must read for all celebrity watchers like me.

As you can see, no classics here...Enjoy and when you are done reading, please take a shower and wash that celebrity filth right off of you would ya.

Peace out and happy reading!

No comments: